Here's to self-expression

Life.

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 18:55:16 GMT

Ok so it has been forever since i have written in here but i have a pretty large paper due tomorrow at 4pm, so i need to find more things to take up time so i can push back doing it. Im an idiot and i know it thank you.

Other than that i have been on muscle relaxers for the past two days and i love them. But apparently i completely fucked up my back and im not doing anything to help it. I cant stop working out, i am completely addicted, if i dont do it for one day i feel so gross about myself. I guess in someways that is a good thing but for healing torn muscles not the best. I tried to go play tennis yesterday but Anthony told me no since i have a hurt back, so i ran 3 miles anyways. He probably would be mad if he knew that.

I have been thinking a lot about school lately and i realized it really is not for me, and no im not saying im dropping out or anything, im not that retarded to think i could make something of myself without an education, but if there was a way i could do it and it was offered to me today i would completely jump on that chance. Some people really like school though and i am envious of them, i love to learn more about the world and life and everything but i hate being forced to do it and i think that is where my hatred for school comes in. Plus right now i just dont even see an end in sight, and all the classes i am taking or have to take for the next atleast year really have nothing to do with what i want to do with my life. Trust me i learn more about my career when i go to work then sitting in a class room hearing about ecology. I HATE IT. I feel like a unmotivated blob but i really am not when i care about something i will put my whole heart into it but i just cant bring myself to do it for school especially over summer.

Ok now i just talked myself into working on my paper, good for me.

Random

Thu, 11 May 2006 01:26:26 GMT

So last night i had a dream i was single and lived with a bunch of dogs. I was the crazy lady with the dogs (i know it is suppose to be cats but if you know me you understand why it is dogs). The freaky thing about it is i could see that happening. Well maybe i wont be called crazy, but one can only hope.

Im coming summer...

Wed, 03 May 2006 22:33:17 GMT

This week really hates me. I have forgotten what real sleep feels like anymore. Cat naps have been keeping me slightly sane. Found out i got an A in history (joke of a class), and i have a A in chem 2 lab, 3 more classes to find out about. Tomorrow = last exam for chem. IM EXCITED!!! then nap all day till work then after work celebrating Alyce's 21st at midnight. So tomorrow night is another sleepless night, friday we plan to go to the beach all day, but that is depending on how much sleep we get thursday, and also how much we end up drinking. Then friday night is her birthday dinner, im excited i havent gone out to dinner with a large group of friends in awhile. Then drink till you drown at Captn funs. Death saturday morning at work at 8 am. Sleep rest of the day saturday, then kegger for the ending of the celebration. So basically no sleep all weekend, but that is ok because i dont have school after tomorrow till the 15th. Sleep is for the weak anyways.

Hopefully tonight we find out about our house. I pray we get it. if we do everyone is invited to housewarming/ shelley's birthday the weekend i get back from jacksonville.

God bless ugly

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 17:01:04 GMT

So this week is hell week for me completely. I have a calc test tomorrow that is worth 40% of my grade and im freaking out, let alone that i slacked all weekend and did no studying for it. That seems to be the story of my semester, but my grades are still good so i just have to pull through on all my exams.

Today's goals: study, study, study.. go to the grocery store (haven't been in like 2 months, no joke.) Everyone is starting to get sick of eatng out with me, either i need to go to the store or find some new friends, tough choice.

Friday night, i was WASTED, i dont think i have been that drunk in awhile, i slept through work (very not like me) i didnt even call in, they might be a little mad at me on monday, ill just lie and say something about too much school shit going on, they will say not to do it again, they love me to much for some reason they think im like one of the funniest people they know, sometimes they laugh even when im serious, i dont get it. I just had a thought when i woke up from my hungover state without acknowledging my work duties, i decide seriously i am young and i work hard all week and they expect me to work every saturday morning, i have been always good about going, but i woke up and loved the feeling of saying fuck responsiblities because i never can bring myself to do it, i need to take advantage of my youth more sometimes.

We find out about our house this week and if we get it, its 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, with a florida room that is huge, it has a massive fenced in back yard and for the 3 of us to live there it will be like 400 dollars a month, so we decided we are going to something really cool with our extra bedroom. This house would be AWESOME, the two dogs we have living with us will be in heaven, and i might get this puppy that these people will be giving away in like 4 weeks, who is a boxer/lab mix and i love, love ,love him. I figure if we have a big house they 3 dogs isnt bad, especially with a fenced in yard. And our rental dude doesnt care about animals because they house is all tile. Its like a little over 2000 sq ft. Its awesome having a roommate that works for a rich realestate man that doesnt really need the money so we dont have to pay any deposits or anything. i hope it all works out and we will be moving in a month!

My birthday is in like 20 days. I get to see Chels and Toni in 20 days, i get to see my parents and brother and dog in like 20 days. 20 days needs to come faster!!!

Well that is about it for now. LOVEYOUALL!

Ain't I a Woman...

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 22:09:53 GMT

Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that 'twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about?

That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?

Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or negroes' rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?

Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.

If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.

Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say

Tue, 14 Mar 2006 19:44:28 GMT

2 days till my spring break! FINALLY. I have two test tomorrow that a freaking me out

Todays plans: Studying, studying, chem lab, more studying.

I hear you calling me beach.. im coming this weekend. Thats a promise.

Spring break plans.. go home and relax for once, no work, no school.. im in heaven. I plan on going to the beach a lot, maybe going to orlando to see Chels for a night or so, options are endless so im not evening going to worry about it, what happens, happens.

Back to my nerdy ways.

I need the smell of summer, i need its noises in my ear...

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 20:16:15 GMT

These past few days have been absolutely beautiful. I am in LOVE with this weather. It sure is helping me get over the horrible cold i had all weekend that made me live in my bed for 3 days straight.

Today was a wonderful florida day. After i took my insanely easy history test i came home and met Sam and Guy at the pool. Then the three of us had a wonderful idea to grill some hotdogs on the grill provided by our apartment complex, so Rachel met us up there and the 4 of us ate some really good hot dogs and layed around by the pool in the wonderful heat i have missed so much. Today is one of those days that makes me realize why i never want to leave Florida. Then when i got back to my apartment i decided to take the dog to the pond in front of our apartment building and let her enjoy the water and this weather as well. She loved it.

I have to go to work today but i dont even care because im in such a wonderful mood. It goes by really fast during the evenings anyways. And they also gave my a raise last week, i now get paid 10 dollars an hour... im a baller. Then tonight Guy and I decided we needed to get drunk since neither on of us have anything we have to do tomorrow. Tomorrow we might go house hunting too, since Rachel, Guy, Jeremy and myself all decided it would be a good idea for us all to be roommates. I hope tomorrow is just as beautiful as today because i will spend the whole day by the pool. Maybe Ryan and i will get a cooler of beer and sit there all day.. how amazing would that be.

I had a date last night with Ryan. I just adore being around him, we get along so well, it seems like we have been friends forever. Im debating if i like him or not still. He kissed me last night for the first time.. i liked it.. thats a good sign.

School is also going wonderfully, i got a high B on my chem 2 test the other day and i think right now i have all As in my classes, i just need to keep it up till the end. I CANT WAIT for spring break to be here!

Also my Casey dog might come spend the week with me out here when my parents go out of town next week. Im excited.

I love life right now. I hope everyone elses day and week is going wonderful as well.

Pain, pain wont you go away..

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 16:58:45 GMT

Last night i got drunk,

Then i fell from a ledge,

Today i cant walk on my left ankle,

It is swollen quite large,

I might have to go to the hospital.

I still had a fun night though.. the aftermath is a different story.

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 19:50:19 GMT

Wow. I havent updated in forever. So here goes a short version of my life right now.

School and work keep me extremely busy during the week that i barely have time to just sit. I have been working out atleast 4 days a week and im really tan right now from the tanning bed.. its fake but oh well i refuse to be pale. I really like all of my professors this semester. My chem 2 professor is so much better then my chem 1 one and we get multiple choice test! But im still making sure to keep up on all my chapter homework. Sociology is going to be a joke.. our whole grade is made up of 3 50 muliple choice tests that are going to be so insanely easy. History is going to be cake cause my roommate had it last semester so i have all her notes and old test to review with and the class is pretty easy in the first place. Calc is another story thank god after this i will be done with math.

Work is going good. I really like my schedule this season except i have to work saturday mornings still but it is one hour later and an hour early then i used to get off so not SO bad.

Social life wise. Im trying to stop drinking on the week days which is getting easier because i usually am exhausted during the week. Last weekend was Rachels 20th birthday so the boys cooked dinner and a few of us drank down at there apartment and just hung out.. it was fun. Then satuday i went to two frat parties which were a lot of fun actually. I met this really cute guy that lives in the building right above me and him and i have started to hang out occasionally. Right now im so into school though im not really looking for any boys.. im just down to hang out with anyone interesting right now.

Rachel and i have a new addition to our apartment now ill just show you

Its a wonderful tool for relaxing.

But i really want right now is to go on another vacation like the bahamas again..

I love vacations!

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 20:45:51 GMT

I just got back from the bahamas last night. I had the most AMAZING time.

I want to die now cause school started today and i have been running on like no sleep for the past 5 days.

I promise pictures soon cause we all took a million of them.

Right now at this time in the bahamas we would be at Anthonys enjoying happy hour. Instead im in pensacola getting ready for class. Take me back!!

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 17:32:04 GMT

This Christmas has been lovely. I have some family here and we are just hanging out doing family things. I got to play with my little cousin who is two and soo adorable. I didnt get too many presents this year.. some clothes, new sheets, some cash, a purse.. and my new camera.. which is really all i wanted. I mean i dont even want my parents to get me a lot.. they do pay my rent, my school, my car, and my insurance. They do way too much for me already. They are wonderful and i love them so much.

On another note i LOVE being home. It is nice, just to be here to get to hang out with my parents and my dogs. They other night i got to hang out with Toni.. who i missed a ton.. we played drinking games with wine with eric and john marcy over at john's cousins house. I like just sitting around with old familar people who its just fun to chill with.

Ill be here all week. So im ready for some fun.

I go to the bahamas in like 1 week.. im soo excited!!!

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 03:37:54 GMT

Today i found out i get to go home on friday instead of saturday.. im EXCITED!!

Tomorrow is margarita night.. it will be tasty.

I need to go to bed soon since i work tomorrow at 6 am! Lame but ill deal with it since i get a whole week off next week.

IM HAPPY!!!

HOME!!

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 20:00:06 GMT

I go home in 5 days! YESSS!

HORRIBLE....

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 03:44:22 GMT

A court hearing for two PETA employees charged with animal cruelty, illegal disposal of animal carcasses and trespassing was again postponed Tuesday.

The probable-cause hearing was rescheduled because a defense attorney had a scheduling conflict in an unrelated case, Assistant District Attorney Donnie Taylor said.

The hearing is now set for Oct. 14.

PETA employees Andrew B. Cook, 24, of Virginia Beach and Adria J. Hinkle, 27, of Norfolk, were charged with 31 felony counts of animal cruelty, eight misdemeanor counts of illegal disposal of dead animals and one count of trespassing.

Both have been released on $35,000 bond, and PETA is paying their legal fees. PETA suspended Hinkle for 90 days and did not discipline Cook.

Police began investigating this summer after carcasses in plastic bags were found in a supermarket garbage bin in Ahoskie every Wednesday for four consecutive weeks.

At least 80 animals were found.

Officers say that on June 15 they followed a van after it left Bertie Countys animal shelter, staked out the garbage bins and arrested two PETA employees. They found 18 dead dogs in a bin and 13 other animal carcasses in the van, which was registered to PETA.

PETA had been picking up animals in northeastern North Carolina since 2001, when a caller informed the group of poor conditions in shelters, according to a written apology PETA President Ingrid Newkirk sent to Bertie County officials.

Bertie County and Northampton County officials and one Ahoskie veterinarian said they believed that adoptable animals would find new homes, while sick, injured and wild animals would be euthanized.

Newkirk has since said that dumping the animals into trash bins violates PETA policy. PETA typically euthanizes animals in Norfolk and cremates the carcasses, Newkirk said in a June 17 press conference.

Bertie and Northampton officials cut ties to PETA pending the trials. The counties are now euthanizing animals without help from PETA. One veterinarian in Ahoskie is continuing to receive financial support from PETA to euthanize animals from Hertford County and some from Northampton County.

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 22:47:54 GMT

So.. i have been done with school since wednesday. It is WONDERFUL! i feel this new sense of freedom that i forgot existed.

Also im excited cause i found out i get to go home for a full week after christmas. It will be my second time home all year and im so excited to see my parents!

Today is great.. hope everyone else is doing good!

TONI HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY TOMORROW! i wish i was there.. that is the only sad thing in my life

SO over it

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 21:38:23 GMT

Today i took my chem final.. thank god it is over.. i dont think i did too shabby either. Pretty much im done with school because i just have a really easy lit final tomorrow.. but offically im done tomorrrow. There will be some major drinking going on down the street from me and i will be attending. Rachel and Jemmy are both leaving me tomorrow.. Rachel for a few days.. Jemmy the whole break!

Well if you are in pcola for the break i will be here and im down for whatever.

Ps. Yesterday i cut my finger open really bad with a can of dog food.. i think it is badly infected. I deserve workers comp. thats what i think.

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 04:41:05 GMT

When the President talks to God,
Are the conversations brief or long?
Does he ask to rape our women's rights,
and send poor farm kids off to die?
Does God suggest an oil hike
when the President talks to God?
When the President talks to God,
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute all down the line?
Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind,
When the President talks to God?
When the President talks to God,
Does he fake that drawal or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which vote or fraud must be concealed,

When the President talks to God?
When the President talks to God
I wonder which one plays the better cop.
"We should find some jobs - the ghetto's broke"
"No, they're lazy, George, I say we don't.
Just give 'em more liquor stores and dirty coke"
That's what God recommends.
When the President talks to God
does he ever think that maybe he's not?
That that voice is just inside his head
as he kneels next to the presidential bed?
Does he ever smell his own bull shit
When the president talks to God?
I doubt it.

Thank you Eric for being awesome in poker!

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 02:28:54 GMT

Im going to the bahamas in January! im so excited! An awesome way to start off the new semester.

Its GREAT to be a Florida Gator

Sun, 27 Nov 2005 23:25:40 GMT

I just hope everyone watched the Florida/florida state game.... because it was glorious! i watched the whole thing smiling. We also beat them in basketball the night before. Sucks to be a Seminole. I cant wait till i transfer to UF. It does suck that i did have tickets to them game but instead i had to drive to Georgia. But not to worry my parents decided they could make it back in time for the basketball game and the football game.. they sold me out so quickly for that shit. Its alright though i was happy to see them for the holiday.

This semester while be over so soon that i can taste it.. or maybe i can taste all the alcohol i will consume after my last exam.. since im spending the whole week with my nose in a book. Got to love that education!

Fri, 25 Nov 2005 23:07:49 GMT

So i just got back from Georgia and it was lovely. I got to see my parents and my brother. I also hung out with a million other relatives. We drank wine and mixed drinks and sat outside in the beautiful weather. It was nice to go to my aunts house, she has a lot of land so it was relaxing to have so much space. Verda loved it she got to run around and chase cows. I also got to get some reading done on a book i have been trying to finish since like the beginning of school. It made me definitely decide whenever i get a house of my own i need to have land. I love the space and to be able to look out and not see other houses or buildings.

Now i just cant wait for christmas it is my favorite holiday ever. My mom makes our house so decorative and cozy. We also might be going up north for some of it, which will be so awesome, nothing like a real winter around christmas time. Plus i just bought a scarf so i need to put it to use. The only sad thing is i will probably only be back home for like 3 days of my whole winter break.

Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving!!

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 22:51:03 GMT

Ok i dont hate Pam as much since i got to talk to her today and this is how the conversation went...

I know you helped someone with there test cause they had the exact same answers as you and judging by both of your test grades i can tell you are the student who did the work.
Yea, ill be honest and admit i did help her with a few answers.
Well since you were honest with me im not going to report you but i will take off half of your grade
So what did i get.
Well you have an A, but now you get a D.
So i cried cause im a baby, and she felt sorry for me and explained to me how i this grade really isnt that big of a deal compare to the whole of the class assignments and how she has faith in me to do really good on the final so i have nothing huge to dwell on and if i need help with anything come to her office and how she can tell im such a good person and how i shouldnt let people take advantage of me. Basically she loved me, but she still didnt give my my grade.

I will NEVER help anyone who sucks at cheating on a test or anything again. When you have a short answer question you do NOT answer it the same way i did... UH im mad.

I would like to send a shot out to the gorillaz for helping me through this, and soon Sam is cooking me chicken and pasta because my days sucks.. i love food and good friends.

PS: Dear Chemistry Final, Im going to kick your ass!

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 18:51:51 GMT

So today we were suppose to get our take home test back from chemistry and while she was calling out names she skipped mine, so when i asked her why my name wasnt called she replied to me i sent you and email and you need to make an appointment to see me during office hours, which are all the way tomorrow. And when i got home to check my email i had not one thing in my mailbox from her.. im FREAKING OUT! I HATE PAMELA TANNER!!!!!!!!!!

i love you, i love you, i love you..

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 19:22:38 GMT

So things have been going pretty good. I have been way too consumed with school for my own good but hopefully it will pay off. I had a take home chem test, which was so incrediably hard.. but i managed to answer every question and i think they are all pretty much right. Im stoked cause i had my last chemistry lab tuesday and i got an A in lab. Last weekend was not all too exciting for me, i basically did my test and some other school related thing, with the occasional break for some much needed mary jane smoking and mixed drinks.

This weekend looks much more promising though, i first off dont have any big school thing to do. But friday night my roommate and i are going to have dinner with these two guys that live down the street from us that came all the way over and knocked on our door to formally invite us over for a home-cooked meal, it was very nice and they are pretty cute, so that is could be good. Then after dinner we are going to a party at my friends with a bunch of people i havent really hung out with since the beginning of the semester, we are all celebrating the arrival of a new couch, it should be fun.

Im learning how to play poker pretty well now, we have designated poker nights with the guys. Im beginning to kick some ass, just wait till we play with real money, ill be rich. My roommate and I have also managed to go through a whole bottle of tequila in like 3 days and a wine. Im also trying to pick up more outdoor activities. Im think im going to start going biking with the guys, i always loved to ride bikes, and my school has really good nature trails. Im also really jealous cause so many of my friends are turning 21 here and i just feel so young, but i still do enjoy celebrating with them.

By the way it is WAY too cold outside. I cant wait till next week when i get to go to georgia to see my family, i miss them so much.

Stayinschool, loveyoubye!

creative..

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 17:02:36 GMT

I had to write a poem today for my literature class. I definitely will never become a poet cause my skills leave much to be desire. I will still share it with you cause i feel like i really did express some real emotions. It makes me what to write more poetry cause it is true it is a wonderful way to express yourself. Even if you suck.

I gaze into your eyes
You look back deeply into mine
I think there is meaning behind them
There’s not, just emptiness
I want so desperately for there to be more
(To be wanted is to be alive)
You reach for me with the strength of a full-manned army
It comes with the meaning of a dog’s affection when you have food
I still crumble at your touch
Like a little girl at the sight of a new doll
I want to hear you tell me something
Something real, something substantial
You open your mouth,
Lean in closer to me
I feel like ice has shot straight up my spine
Then, with one monumental moment you press your lips to mine
I accept the movement
Never getting what I really desire
But holding on to the hope it will come

Fiona is wonderful!!

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 16:18:55 GMT

The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights
I realize what I am now too smart to mention - to you
You'll say you understand, you'll never understand
I'll say I'll never wake up knowing how or why
I don't know what to believe in, you don't know who I am
You'll say I need appeasing when I start to cry
But never is a promise and I'll never need a lie